Carnegie [2]

The Fndamentals of Effective Speaking

Chapter I. Aquiring the basic skills

1. Take heart from the experience of others
2. Keep your goal before you
3. Predetermine your mind to success
4. Sieze every opportunity to practice

Chapter II. Developing confidence

1. Get the facts about fear of speaking in public
2. Prepare in the proper way (i. Never memorise a talk word for word ii. Assemble and arrange your ideas before hand iii. Rehearse your talk with your friends)
3. Predetermine your mind to success (i. Lose yourself in your subject ii. Keep your attention of negative stimuli that may upset you iii. give yourself a pep talk)
4. Act confident

Chapter III. Speaking effectively the quick and easy way

1. Speak about something you have earned the right to speak about through experience or study (i. Tell us what life has taught you ii. Look for topics in your background)
2. Be sure you are excited about your subject
3. Be eager to share your talk with your listeners

Speech, Speaker and Audience

Chapter IV. Earning the right to talk

1. Limit your subject
2. Develop reserve power
3. Fill your talk with illustrations and examples (i. Humanise your talk ii. Personalise your talk by using names iii. Be specific - fill your talk with detail iv. Dramatise your talk by using dialogue v. Visualise by demonstrating what you are talking about)
4. Use concrete, familiar words that create pictures

Chapter V. Vitalising the talk

1. Choose subjects you are earnest about
2. Relive the feelings you have about your topic
3. Act in earnest

Chapter VI. Sharing the talk with the audience

1. Talk in terms of your listeners' interests
2. Give honest sincere appreciation
3. Identify yourself with the audience
4. Make your audience a partner in your talk
5. Play yourself down

The Purpose of Prepared and Impromptu Talks

Chapter VII. Making the short talk to get action

1. Give your example an insident from your life (i. Build your example upon a single personal experience ii. Start your talk with a detail of your example iii. Fill your example with relevant detail iv. Relive your experience as you relate it)
2. State your point, what you want the audience to do (i. Make the point brief and specific ii. Make the point easy for listeners to do iii. State the point with force and conviction)
3. Give the Reason or benefit the audience may expect (i. Be sure the reason is relevant to the example ii. Be sure to stress one reason and one only)

Chapter VIII. Making the talk to inform

1. Restrict the subject to fit the time at your disposal
2. Arrange your ideas in sequence
3. Enumerate your points as you make them
4. Compare the strange with the familiar (i. Turn a fact into a picture ii. Avoid technical terms)
5. Use visual aids

Chapter IX. Making the talk to convince

1. Win confidence by deserving it
2. Get a yes response
3. Speak with contagious enthusiasm
4. Show respect and affection for your audience
5. Begin in a friendly way

Chapter X. Making impromptu talks

1. Practice impromptu speaking
2. Be mentally ready to speak impromptu
3. Get into an example immediately
4. Speak with animation and force
5. Use the principle of the here and now
6. Don't talk impromptu - give an impromptu talk

The Art of Communicating

Chapter XI. Delivering the talk

1. Crash through your shell of self confidence
2. Don't try to imitate others - be yourself
3. Converse with your audience
4. Put your heart into your speaking
5. Practice making your voice strong and flexible

The Challenge of Effective Speaking

Chapter XII. Introducing speakers, presenting and accepting awards

1. Thoroughly prepare what you are going to say
2. Follow the T-I-S formula
3. Be enthusiastic
4. Be warmly sincere
5. Thoroughly prepare the talk of presentation
6. Express your sincere feelings in the talk of acceptance

Chapter XIII. Organising the longer talk

1. Get attention immediately (i. Begin your talk with an incident - example ii. Arouse suspense iii. State an arresting fact iv. Ask for a show of hands v. Promise to tell the audience how they can get something they want vi. Use and exhibit)
2. Avoid getting unfavourable attention (i. Do not open with an apology ii. Avoid the 'funny' story opening)
3. Support your main ideas (i. Use statistics, ii. Use the testimony of experts iii. Use analogies iv. Use a demonstration with or without an exhibit)
4. Appeal for action (i. Summarise ii. Ask for action)

Chapter XIV. Applying what you have learned

1. Use specific detail in everyday converstation
2. Use effective speaking techniques in your job
3. Seek opportunities to speak in public
4. You must persist
5. Keep the certainty of reward before you

Carnegie, D 1962, The quick and effective way to effective speaking: modern techniques for dynamic communication, Simon & Schuster

Carnegie

Notes from 'How to win friends and influence people'

Fundamental techniques in handling people

1. Don't criticise, condemn or complain
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
3. Arouse in the other person and eager want

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people
2. Smile
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
4. Be a good listener.  Encourage others to talk about themselves
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely

Win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions.  Never say "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
4. Begin in a friendly way
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view
9. Be sympathetic about the other person's ideas and desires
10. Appeal to the nobler motives
11. Dramatise your ideas
12. Throw down a challenge

Be a leader

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
5. Let the other person save face
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.  Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise"
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
8. Use encouragement.  Make the fault seem easy to correct
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

Father Forgets

FATHER FORGETS

W. Livingston Larned

condensed as in "Readers Digest"

Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek

and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room

alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of

remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.

There are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you

were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took

you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your

things on the floor.

At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put

your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started

off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "Goodbye,

Daddy!" and I frowned, and said in reply, "Hold your shoulders back!"

Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the road I spied you,

down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated

you before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were

expensive-and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from

a father!

Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with

a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the

interruption, you hesitated at the door. "What is it you want?" I snapped.

You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms

around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God

had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you

were gone, pattering up the stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible

sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding

fault, of reprimanding-this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not

love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick

of my own years.

And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart

of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your

spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters tonight,

son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed!

It is feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you

during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and

suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient

words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: "He is nothing but a boy-a little boy!"

I am afraid I have visualised you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and

weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother's

arms, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much, yet given too little of

myself. Promise me, as I teach you to have the manners of a man, that you will remind

me how to have the loving spirit of a child.

Moments of Clarity Pt 1

I need affirmation.
I make mistakes.
I am insecure.
I am a good person.
I am
I do good things.
I have doubts.
I have fears.
I have dreams.
I have ambition.
I am good at some things,
I am bad at others



Define mistakes/mistakes define.
A mistake is something done incorrectly (wrong).
Who defines what is correct or right.
A mistake becomes part of who you are, it can help define you
If you allow it.
Making mistakes is ok.
Don't let others judge.
Let me rephrase - others will judge whether you like or not.  Just don't let that judgement define you.

Time to re-assess

WOW I just read my previous posts.  My life has just done a back flip!  No job, no Declan, where's my future to go now.  I've spent the entire Christmas 'break' relaxing, watching cricket and tennis and other things that have inspired my interest.  I've been sitting on my proverbial backside quite unmotivated to do anything.  Maybe that is why it has happened that I have ended up flat footed, wondering what to do with myself now.

I must say I have enjoyed the domestication that comes with being a semi-aimless home-bod; making beds, hanging washing, sweeping pathways, watering fruit trees, pruning the occasional shrub.  Having no income has been something in the back of my mind, in fact it has been something that has begun to consume me.  Money - the root of all evil... also the foundation of physical survival.

Spiritually and mentally I have been travelling well.  I am in a groove of listening to 'Daily Audio Bible' on a 'daily' basis.  This has been great for me and has become a fairly stable part of my daily routine.  I have also been doing quite a bit of reading including a series of bios.  I have begun reading Mandela: the authorised biography by Anthony Sampson, currently on page 38 of 610 not including source notes, bibliography & index.  If I can persist and complete, it will be the longest book I have ever read.  I have been getting quite a bit of inspiration from these books I have been reading.

The biggest glitch at the moment is the fact that I don't have a job.  Intermittently I have been concerned about this, to the point of worry.  I have done my best to drag myself back up and remain positive.  One thing I have been considering is my attitude toward school & education.  I would like to reconsider my philosophy of education.  I will record it here, I'll keep you 'posted'

The ship has sailed

For many months now we have been preparing ourselves in one way and another for an addition to our family.  An indigenous lad, family roots based in Elliot, NT.  Though many issues therein, we had been opening our hearts to his cause; talking, praying, hypothesising, discussing, assessing.  We had been making space shall we say, in many ways, in our hearts, minds and home.  Now, seemingly, to no avail.

In honest appraisal, having him in our house as a member of our family would have been more like having a pet initially.  It would have been like trying to tame a wild animal, nothing less.  A ten year old aboriginal boy with FAS, released from the care he had been in since birth, to be back with his mother in Alice Springs.  Though presently in Elliot with extended family community.  Local sources indicated that he had turned the town upside down within weeks.  I imagine him to have been running on instinct, lots of fight or flight and survival skills in action.

Trying to kerb habits, developed (out of necessity) over the past two months, into some sort of structure and boundary based system would be a big ask.  I hope he is ok.  I hope he is able to learn about his culture and the good things that his history and his people can offer him.

I was there but the time is passed for now.

End of January 2012

By the end of this month the following are on my agenda

• get Jack up on two wheels
• buy and install gates for vegie garden
• replant vegie garden (fertilise, till, channel)
• mow lawns
• read: James Morrison, Matthew Hayden bios
• get a job

We'll see how we go...